Shadows

Description:  bismark   mihail briarwood 

Lirielle Pond

  • Inactive Character
  • Queen
  • Imola District Queen
    Little Terreille Kaeleer
    14 Posts    63 marks
Shadows
« on: June 19, 2019, 09:33:03 PM »
@Bismark

She shouldn’t have sent Aria and Nicai away. She shouldn’t have sent anyone away. She’d thought she wanted to be alone, but now that she was, she saw shadows everywhere — shadows that looked like him, with fingers reaching out toward her. She whimpered, pulling the blanket up to her chin and trying to get the nerve to close her eyes. She couldn’t do it, not when she kept seeing images in her vision.

She knew she needed to call for someone, but she felt so very guilty about monopolizing so much of their time lately. They didn’t have a chance to do anything other than sit with her, and she knew they had plenty to do — especially to pick up the slack where she was failing her court because she couldn’t bring herself to leave her room.

The land needed her, but the idea of going outside was too intimidating. What if he came back? She couldn’t go out into the open, not where she might be attacked. She had to stay inside, where she was safe.

Mostly safe.

The soft shine of witchlight provided her with enough to see her surroundings, but there were still shadows, so many shadows… And there she was, back to those shadows.

She didn’t want to be alone anymore. She had never really wanted to be alone. She needed someone there with her. Aria, Nicai, Mihail, their mother… Bryson. Guilt rose in her at the thought of her first escort, who had tried so desperately to keep her safe, only to end up hurt. And he was so hurt he couldn’t even come see her. Aria had made it clear that it was under her orders, but it didn’t make her feel any better. It made her feel worse. She wanted to go to him, to hug him and feel that he was safe with her.

She wanted to be more, to be better, but every time she thought about leaving the room… She got out of bed anyway, hugging her arms against her chest, and she bit her lip as she took a step toward the door. One step after another — good, she was moving, she was doing it.

Except the idea of even touching the doorknob scared her to death, and she stopped, freezing halfway between the bed and the door. Her breathing came hard and fast, and she couldn’t go back but she couldn’t go forward either. Finally, she collapsed onto the floor right where she was, drawing her knees against her chest and burying her face against them as she started to cry.

Mihail Briarwood

  • Inactive Character
  • 56 Posts    1138 marks
Re: Shadows
« Reply #1 on: June 22, 2019, 07:17:00 PM »
“Up so soon?” His mother asked, looking up from the book she had been reading. Mihail paused and cast her a vaguely annoyed look. He didn’t particularly like that their mother had gotten called down. He could appreciate that Aria was a little out of her depth. It wasn’t nothing for a young healer to be managing so many healing webs, and he was adept enough at healing craft to know they weren’t simple healing webs. He hadn’t thought to lend his own assistance, something he regretted now with their mother looking over their shoulders.

“Yes, I did as you asked. Now I’m fine.” He said, trying for patiently, but only managing broody.
“Come here,” She said, her voice brokering no argument, and reluctantly Mihail closed the distance between them. 

She meant well, and it helped, of course, to have a more skilled healer working in conjunction with Nicai but still… somehow, it stung.
Mostly because she had straight up ordered him to get sleep before seeing Lirielle again.

Her hand pressed against his cheek and she tugged at the skin there, checking the colour around his eyes. He saw the twitch around her lips that didn’t bode well. Apparently him looking like crap would only cause more worry. He had wanted to argue, to snap and snarl at her like he had at Marasfield about his capabilities. He was the bloody Master of the Guard, for fuck’s sake. Not that it seemed to mean anything to anyone…

“I need to talk to her.” He said, before his mother could send him back to bed. He’d already agreed to the last forced nap. He’d even taken Nicai’s potion to put his mind at ease and put him down quick. It was plenty.
“She wanted to be alone.” His mother said, wetting her lips. “You should use the time to rest more.” She added. “You can’t keep going like this.”
“I’m fine.” He insisted again. “And I thought we agreed we wouldn’t leave her alone.” He said, irritably.
“She wanted to be alone.” His mother repeated the words, more pointed that time. “If she needs help she can ask for it, she should know that.”

She should know that, and two weeks ago he wouldn’t have doubted she’d have done just that, but now? Now he worried that she wouldn’t. She had made it clear she felt like a failure and that she felt she wasn’t worthy of them anymore.
Which was bullshit, of course!

“It would be nice if someone took notice when I spoke.” He grouched sharply, pulling away from his mother’s touch. She tsked at him and sat back in the chair.
“If you want to babysit your queen forever, be my guest.” She said, sounding impossibly dismissive.
“No need to be callous mother, it’s been days, give her some bloody time.” He added hotly, turning and stalking to Lirielle’s quarters down the hall with determined purpose.

Determined purpose that faltered three steps in, but he pretended it didn’t.
What if his mother was right. What if she wanted to be alone, and him barging in on her would only upset her more? What if she could ask for help, would he be smothering her if he insisted on having someone with her at all times?

He slowed until he came to a full stop in front of the door to her quarters. He dropped his head forward, because he didn’t want to have to babysit Lirielle. He wanted things to go back to normal, if that was at all possible. He wanted her to believe in herself again, and-- He froze when he became aware of the sound coming through the door.

Crying. Sobbing.

Fuck!

*Lirielle* he reached tentatively on the summer sky. *I’m at your door, Liri, do you want me to come in…?* He pushed, regardless of what his mother had said, and what Lirielle had apparently wanted.

Lirielle Pond

  • Inactive Character
  • Queen
  • Imola District Queen
    Little Terreille Kaeleer
    14 Posts    63 marks
Re: Shadows
« Reply #2 on: June 22, 2019, 07:43:15 PM »
Lirielle stared at the door, then the bed, in utter despair. She should’ve been able to go to one or the other, but instead… there she was, in the middle of the floor, unable to so much as move. She needed to get back in bed. If someone came in and saw her on the floor like this…

They’d never leave her alone again.

There was a huge part of her that was desperate for that, that wanted them to stay even if she told them not to. She felt so guilty for that, but she felt guilty for taking up their time, for leaving them with so many more responsibilities… for being a broken Queen instead of someone they deserved to have lead them.

She tried to stop crying, but all it did was make her cry harder. She wanted to reach out to someone, anyone, but she’d asked to be alone and she couldn’t change her mind now. It was too late. If she did… They’d never think of her the same way. Then again, they were never going to think of her the same way anyway. They’d only be able to see her this way, as a sobbing mess instead of their Queen.

The thread startled her, and she jumped, hiccuping over the sob that was just ripping itself from her throat. She didn’t want to respond to Mihail even as she desperately did want to, and she hesitated for a moment. She should just tell him to leave her alone…

But so, so badly, she didn’t want to be alone.

*Yes,* she replied after a pause. *Please, Mihail.*

Before she could think to ask him to give her a moment to try to gather herself, he was opening the door, and she wiped hurriedly at her face. It didn’t help. It was obvious she’d been crying, and she was still on the damn floor. She tried to get up, but her legs wouldn’t work. She gave up, letting out another ugly sob as she reached out toward Mihail, in desperate need of a comforting embrace.
 

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